Grandpa Burns

The Vikings

Grandpa was a faithful Vikings fan..bad years and good...he loved the Vikings. The one joke I told Grandpa many many times. Not once did he say, "I've already heard that joke." Though we both knew he had, for I had done the telling. Not once did he say, "You know that joke is only funny the first dozen times you hear it."  I told the same joke to Dad many many times..and each time he'd gave full hearted laugh and tell me..there is a lot of truth in that! And each time his laugh made me smile. Well...Grandpa this might just be the Vikings year!!! Bret Favre and the Vikings play next week for the NFC championship. Grandpa would have loved this!!!

 

 

 

Two Vikings fans died and went to hell...

The next day the devil stops in to check on them and sees them dressed in
parkas, mittens and bomber hats warming themselves around the fire.
The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?"

The two guys reply, "Vell, ya know, we're from nordern Minnesoda,
the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just happy for a chance to
warm up a little bit, ya know."
The devil decides that these two aren't miserable enough and turns
up the heat.

The next morning he stops in again and there they are, still dressed
in parkas, hats and mittens.
The devil asks them again, "Its awfully hot down here, can't you
guys feel that?"
Again the two guys reply, "Vell, like we told you yesterday, we're from
nordern Minnesoda, the land of snow and ice and cold. We're just
happy for a chance to warm up a little bit, ya know."

This gets the devil a little steamed up and he decides to fix the two
guys. He cranks the heat up as high as it will go. The people are
wailing and screaming every where.
He stops by the room with the two guys from Minnesota and finds
them in light jackets and hats, grilling walleye and drinking beer.
The devil is astonished, "Everyone down here is in abject misery,
and you two seem to be enjoying yourself."
The two Minnesodans reply, "Vell, ya know, we don't get too much
warm weather up dere in International Falls, we've just got to
have a fish fry when the weathers this nice."

The devil is absolutely furious, he can hardly see straight.
Finally he comes up with the answer. The two guys love the heat
because they have been cold all their lives. The devil decides to
turn all the heat off in hell.
The next morning, the temperature is below zero, icicles are
hanging everywhere, people are shivering so bad that they are
unable to wail, moan and gnash their teeth.
The devil smiles and heads for the room with the two Minnesodans.
He gets there and finds them back in their parkas, bomber hats,
and mittens. They are jumping up and down, cheering, yelling and
screaming like mad men.
The devil is dumb founded, "I don't understand, when I turn up the
heat you're happy. Now its freezing cold and you're still happy.
What is wrong with you two?"
The Minnesodans look at the devil in surprise, "Vell, don't ya
know, If hell froze over dat must mean da Vikings went to da super bowl

Love in a Jar!

Grandpa's Salsa...he LOVED the way the kitchen smelled when there was a pot of salsa on the stove....and he LOVED handing it out a couple jars at a time when his children and grands came home during the year.

During Grandpa's hospitalization, Aunt Lunette would often mention to nurses and Drs. that Grandpa and Grandma had put up 900 jars of fruit and vegetables this past fall. It was Lunette's way of saying....you have no idea just how active my Dad has been up until the time of his hospitalization..... he's not a feeble gentleman but a vital human who is in control of his own destiny.

On the morning following his funeral I had scrambled eggs topped with Grandpa's salsa...and I tasted it....along with the onions and tomatoes, Dad had stirred a generous portion of love into each jar!

On the tables at the dinner after the funeral...Grandpa's pickles held center stage...along with his much loved gumdrops! Grandpa's pickles...are the BEST!

If next summer...you should happen upon a crate or two or five of Colorado Peaches size 44 or 46 ...or Grandma's preferred 40.- Here is how Gma and Grandpa put up their peaches. Grandpa and Gma's peaches have been known to soothe a sore throat, offer comfort to a college student away from home for the first time, and serve as a perfect first food for an infant exploring all the new textures real people food have to offer...and they are pretty good eaten for no reason at all as well.
 

Joe set up a perfect memorial shot to Grandpa in the kitchen tonight....all that's lacking is "Angels We Have Heard On High" in the background.

Holding Hands

Grandpa loved to hold Grandma's hand. Often during the weeks of his last illness, he would reach for Grandma's hand and simply hold it quietly in his. Liz once said, "There is something very sweet about older couple that hold hands" She was right. There was something so completely sweet about the love Grandma and Grandpa had for each other and the ways they showed it.

 

Whist

Dear Not Yet Old Enough To Shuffle Grandchildren and Prospective In-Laws... Whist is not an optional game in this family...it is an article of the faith..and these are the rules we live by! No they are not the official rules published by Hoyle. They are however the rules which govern Whist in Minnesota and The Dakotas. Research says it is known as Norwegian Whist...but, your Grandfather happily lived out his life without that little bit of trivia. Knowing your Grandfather he most likely would have said,  "They might have just redeemed themselves for hoisting lutefisk on an unsuspecting public."

Introduction

This game is very popular in Minnesota, USA, where it is just called Whist. It seems certain that it was brought there by settlers from Norway. It is also played in South Dakota, which has a high proportion of people of Norwegian ancestry. It is extremely similar to a Scandinavian game, often listed in English language card game books under the name Norwegian Whist. The main difference from the European version is that in America a black card indicates that one wants to play "high" (aiming to win tricks) and a red card is a vote for "low" (avoiding tricks), while in Europe red means high and black means low.

Players

There are four players in two fixed partnerships. Partners sit facing each other. The game is played clockwise.

Cards

A standard 52 card pack is used. The cards in each suit rank from highest to lowest: A K Q J 10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2. There are no trumps.

Deal

The dealer deals out all the cards one at a time so that each player has 13.

High / Low Bids

Each hand is played either "high" or "low". If it is played "high", the partnership that takes at least 7 of the 13 tricks scores points. If it is played "low", a partnership must take 6 or fewer tricks to avoid losing points.

All four players indicate whether they wish to play the hand as "high" or "low" by simultaneously placing a card face down in front of them. A black card indicates that they wish to play "high"; a red card indicates that they wish to play "low" (sometimes known as "nullo"). Usually players pick their lowest red or black card to represent their bid.

Starting with the player to the left of the dealer, each person turns over their bidding card in turn. If the card is red, the next player to the left turns over their card. If any card is black, all revealing of bid cards stops and the hand is played "high". Only if all four bidding cards are red is the hand played "low".

The partnership containing the person who showed black first is said to have "granded".

Play and Scoring with High Bid

The player to the right of the person who granded leads to the first trick. Players must follow suit. The player of the highest card in the suit led wins the trick and leads to the next. When all 13 tricks have been played, the side which won more tricks scores 1 point for each trick they won in excess of 6.

Play and Scoring with Low Bid

The player to the left of the dealer leads to the first trick. Players must follow suit. The player of the highest card in the suit led wins the trick and leads to the next. When all 13 tricks have been played, the side which won more tricks loses 1 point for each trick they have in excess of 6.

End of the Game

The partnership which first reaches 13 points wins the game. This takes several deals.

Variations

2 points per trick for a failed grand

Many play that if a high bid fails - that is the side that did not grand takes more than 6 tricks, they receive 2 pointsfor each trick they won in excess of 6. If the side that granded wins more than 6 tricks, they receive just 1 point for each trick in excess of 6 as usual. This type of scoring reflects the idea that granding is like undertaking a contract, and the penalty for failing should be greater than the reward for succeeding.

Askov Rules

This version, reported by ErikPeter Walker, is played to 15 points. In a Black/High hand if the opponents of the pair that granded win, they score 2 points per trick in excess of 6.

There are two additional options. A player can bid Sola Nola or Grand Dix. In both of these special cases, the player who makes the bid plays alone against the other partnership while their partner sits out. A player may bid Sola Nola or Grand Dix to overrule another bid, and a bid of Grand Dix overrules Sola Nola. For example, if one player shows a black card, which would start a High hand, another player (even one who has already bid red/Low) could say "Sola Nola" to overrule the black bid. The player who had bid Black might in turn bid Grand Dix if he was confident. A player can even overrule his own partner's bid.

By bidding Sola Nola, (akin to Nolo in other games), the player undertakes to win no tricks. Before the first lead, the player who made the bid and his partner must trade one card - each simultaneously passes a card across face down across the table. The opposing player to the right of the bidder leads the first card.

By bidding Grand Dix, the player undertakes to win the first seven tricks (despite the name, which suggests it once required taking ten). In this mode of play, there is no trade of cards, but the bidding player's partner leads the first card before sitting out the rest of the hand. Obviously the partner must choose wisely so as not to force their partner's defeat.

Players do not score points for Sola Nola or Grand Dix. Instead, the successful partnership scores a "Star", which counts as a whole game won by the partnership (effectively 15 points). The current score is unaffected. As an example, when one partnership wins by reaching 15 or more points, the losers pay the winners 15 cents for the game and an additional 15 cents for each star they had earned. Thus stars have the effect of "upping the stakes", because the losing partnership's stars count for nothing at the end of the game.

South Dakota Whist

In this variant, reported by Rand Allgaier, a player who "goes black" also leads to the first trick, and the suit led is trump for that deal. (A trick to which a trump is played is won by the highest trump in it, not by the highest card of the suit led as usual. Players must follow suit as usual. Players unable to follow suit may play a trump or sluff a card of any other suit.) The team of the player that "goes black" scores 1 point for each trick above 6 that they win. If they win fewer than 7 tricks, they lose 1 point for each trick below 7. The other team does not score. If everyone "goes red", the team that takes 7 or more tricks loses one point for each trick in excess of 6. The game is played to 11 points rather than 13.

Whist parties

Whist is sometimes played in parties, with several tables playing at the same time, and the players moving after each game. In one format, suitable for three or four tables, the tables are numbered from highest to lowest. After each game, the winning pair moves to the next higher table (the winners on the top table remaining on the top table) and the losing pair moves to the next lower table (the losers on the bottom table staying there). Players swap partners on all but the top table, where the winning pairs from the top two tables in the previous round keep their partners and play against each other.

Tactics

The Invite

When a person leads for the first time, it is called an "invite". (Thus there are usually four invites during a game.)

Tactics for the high bid

When playing high, the invite should be the lowest card of the player's best suit. This gives their partner a hint as to what to lead later on if their own hand is weak, yet doesn't give away the true strength of inviter's hand. The inviter's partner should respond by playing their highest card in this suit. This gives the inviter a sense of what the partner has to offer during the hand.

Sometimes when it comes to the partner's turn to invite (after having won a trick), they will choose instead of leading their own suit to lead back their partner's suit. To do this indicates to one's partner that one has a very weak hand.

The most important invite is the first lead by the person who "granded" earlier - this indicates to everyone the strongest suit of a person who considered themselves to have a strong hand.

When sluffing(discarding when you cannot follow suit), a good tactic is to sluff the suit you do not wantyour partner to lead. That way, after a couple of sluffs, your partner can deduce what suit you are looking for, and you will not have wasted any of the cards in your best suit. However, to avoid misunderstanding, you need to discuss this before the game, because many people sluff a low card from their best suit.

Tactics for the low bid

Playing low is generally considered more difficult than playing high. The invite during a low game should be the highest card of a player's weakest suit. This gives their partner a hint as to what to lead later on. The response of this person's partner is to play their highest card in this suit as well.

In a low bid, the natural tactic would be to sluff cards from a short suit where no low cards are held, so as to get rid of the suit entirely.

Love Notes Left For Grandpa

During the weeks that Grandpa spent in the hospital, many left notes on the caring bridge. Notes of support, notes of love, notes of encouragement. Among those left were notes written by Ane and Megan thanking Grandpa for the gifts of love and lessons learned. In case you missed them, they are treasures not to be missed.

On December 30, 2009 Megan wrote:

Wednesday, December 30, 2009 12:39 PM, CST

My dearest Grandpa,

I have been thinking about you all day long!  Really, I've been thinking of you most of the day for the past 2 months. 

I've been thinking about making choke cherryy jam with you and fudge and pickles, and your wonderful garden, and playing whist at your dining room table (with endless bowels of candy that I gorged myself on).  I've been thinking about playing hundreds (thousands maybe?) of games of cribbage and how you taught me how to shuffle.  And I've been thinking about how you always seemed to be holding a baby or a little grandkid, and you were so good at it you didn't even seem like a baby hog! 

I've been thinking about the stories you would tell me; stories about the Navy, or history, or my aunts and uncles and parents, or anything else that was on your mind or mine.  I been thinking about going to visit you at Coins, and how you almost told me what was in hot dogs, but Grandma stopping you just in time... I've been thinking about how I've never seen you in a bad mood.  Maybe I lived too far away? 

I've been thinking about sweet you are to Eva, and how you are kind enough to tell me how beautiful and sweet she is, which just makes me thrilled.  I've been thinking about how much my mom adores you and how I know that you adore your children and grandchildren and great-grandchildren, and grandma too--all 78 of the Burnses, and the 79th on the way. 

And while thinking about this, it occurs to me that I have NO bad memories.  None. 

I'm pretty sure that makes you the best grandpa ever. 
I love you Grandpa. 

I love you I love you I love you.
Meggie

 

On the same morning Ane wrote:

 

Wednesday, December 30, 2009 11:44 AM, CST

hi grandpa, it's little ane here.

boy do i love you.  what an honor to be your granddaughter.  i  just want you to know that i've taken note of your style and plan on sharing some lessons with my own future grandkids. 

1.  it's ok to cheat at solitaire--really it's more fun that way.
2.  you really ought to eat another gingersnap (for pete's sake)!!  they're not doing any good sitting in the box!
3.   home-canned sourkraut IS good enough to be eaten with a spoon if you like. 
4.   plant an apple tree!  and a garden......you can't eat grass!
5.  if a baby is sleeping, keep it that way!   kick everyone out of the house if that's what's necessary.

most importantly, grandpa, i will show my grandkids this:

family comes first.  good things will come from honoring and devoting yourself to your family.

i love you i love you i love you.
ane

Quickly she updated the post to read

Wednesday, December 30, 2009 12:17 PM, CST

oops!!  i miswrote that...don't worry.  i know that GOD comes first and then family.  what a shining example of this you are, grandpa.  i LOVE you.

Ane Klomps

WWII D-Day Memorial Medal

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Dad on Beverages

A number of years ago....Dad saw a neurologist in Fargo. As part of his exam the Dr. asked him how much coffee he drank a day. Dad replied, "Three." The Dr. said,"Three cups of coffee a day isn't bad." Dad quickly corrected him..."NO, three POTS!" Dad loved his coffee.

Dad always insisted that he could tell the difference between regular coffee and decaf. He would declare with confidence that decaf didn't have any dang taste and he'd rather do without than drink that slop. Mom however felt quite certain it would be healthier for both of them to join the decaf team. One of the first weeks after accepting a job with Knight's. Dad came home and confided in Mom that he felt jittery, was having trouble sleeping and feeling generally irritable. The moment of truth had come...Mom had to confess that the can of regular coffee that he believed she had been making was in fact a decoy, that she had been filling the full bodied Folgers can with decaf for a couple of years.

As much as Dad loved coffee....his feelings were just as strong concerning alcohol. It wasn't the he begrudged anyone their glass of wine or cocktail...he just couldn't stand the stuff. As with everything in Dad's life there was a story telling why.

Dad was newly discharged from the Navy and we kicking up his heels a bit. One Saturday evening found him in a car with Earl and Cora Bloom headed to a dance in Waubay. On the way, Earl stopped and purchased a pint of Everclear Alcohol (100 proof) and a large bottle of a sweet soda to mix it in. Dad didn't like the taste of that sweet soda, so he took a large guzzle of Everclear straight out of the bottle. Sicker than a dog, puking his gutts out is how Dad described his trip back to Webster. "The stuff tasted so vile, and I was so sick I wanted to die, but it sure cured me of having a thrist for the nasty stuff."

Katie Conway Wrote- Witnessing Grandpa's Love for Grandma

When Logan, Lily, and I were staying at Grandma and Grandpa's house before Jenny's wedding (2005) I offered to repaint Grandma's toenails. Grandpa had given her a pedicure for Mother's Day (What a sweetheart!). The polish was coming off. I asked grandma where the remover was so that I could take the polish off of her toes. Grandpa was sitting there, and he said, "I'll take the polish off!" I told him that I was happy to do it, but he wouldn't let me! Grandma sat there in the dining room with her feet in his lap like a princess while grandpa carefully removed every speck of polish from her toes. He was always happy to do anything to serve Grandma. It was a blessing to witness his love for her. I think Ane may have a photo of this beautiful moment.

Dad on Santa

Growing up, I remember Dad telling about the Christmas when he was in third grade. It was during the Great Depression, and poverty hit the Fred Burns family particularly hard. Christmas Eve came and Dad's younger sister Evelyn begged to put up her stocking. Dad recalled his Mom crying as she remained firm that there would be no stockings hung that year. As he told the story Dad's eyes would fill with tears and his voice would become thick, at the memory and the knowlege as a parent of how hard it must have been for Grandma Cora to have nothing to give her children.

On the first day of school after the holiday break. The teacher asked everyone to stand up and tell what Santa had brought them. Aunt Evelyn stood up and said, "Santa didn't come to our house this year." As a man in his 70's, I recall Dad retelling this story and tears still filled his eyes. He'd always say....."I swore right then and there, when I grew up if I had kids, they'd believe in Mom and Dad not Santa. If there wasn't any money to buy gifts they'd know it wasn't because some fat man didn't like them enough." Those words have always stuck with me. That's why we tell our children, that Santa can be anyone who really loves them, and that while Santa might bring the presents Mom and Dad always get the bills!

A Man Truly Smitten

 

(Dad before their marriage)

When Dad met Mom he was smitten. So smitten that he asked her to marry him everyday for a year. Each time he asked he'd say, "Now, I need an answer, is it yes or no?" And Mom would giggle and say, "Yes or No." It's fair to say that Mom was always cautious in making decisions.

(Mom on their honeymoon) 

But..once made she committed herself. This year for Christmas she gave Dad a wedding ring. A replacement for the ring she gave him sixty-one years ago, and which was recently lost.

And Dad...he still knew he married the prettiest girl he ever met.  During the weeks he was hospitalized he frequently coaxed a smile from his bride with an "I love you" and a wink.